For all of those woman out there below the age of menopause who have gone through chemotherapy, they will completely understand this. Chemo really f*&ks with our hormones. I mean it really f*&ks with those little crazies that run around in our bodies each month! On top of the neuropathy and falling over and not being able to hold things and learning to walk again, the hair thinning, the unexpected and urgent bathroom dashes, the chemo fog brain, the lethargy - oh the list is endless... us girls also have to face the big M!!! Early M at that. Menopause. Hot flushes. Raging hot flushes. Violent raging hot flushes. Irritation. Telling yourself to Shhhhh whilst you secretly want to the tell the person who is talking at you to SHUT THE F UP! Then comes the calm. Menopause. No not me. I can see butterflies. All is good with the world.
So I am descending into the early M because of the chemo and my biggest little turned into a teenager. It wasn't an over night thing like the comedy sketches, however, it has been fairly sudden with the stereotypical UFFS and the looks. We clash at times. I find myself saying FFS in my head quite a lot when her moodiness is irrational but then I have to take myself to one side and remind me that a) she is a teenager and this is completely normal and that she is the most wonderful child, b) she has been through so much with me and shown the courage and strength of an ox, c) I am irrational because I am going through this M. Doesn't really help the teenager that she has an 8 year old little sister that comments on the size of her boobies all the time and takes great pleasure in announcing and commenting and reporting back on everything that the teenager does!
We are at present in the middle of a total house renovation, so have rented a small 2 bedroom apartment, to which the littles are sharing a room. Not conducive for an harmonious ride for the pair of them... 13 meets 8 = "Mummy she is reeeeeaaalllllly annooooooooying me" !!!! They fight like racoons at times but then at bedtime, they are the best of friends. They have this most amazing private relationship, which I am in awe of. They comfort each other and at times through my journey have been the stability for each other that they both needed.
All in all though, we have this respect for each other. The girls bicker (in Spanish), I remind them in English to be kind and thoughtful to each other, the teenager gives me that look, the nearly 9 year old throws herself onto the floor with her head dramatically in her arms (oh how I miss those days, but you just can't do that at nearly 46!) and I reach for the wine. The teenage gives me another look and I remind her that I am an adult. Full circle really.So, we have a brimful of hormones in our house right now. Some of it, chemo enhanced and the rest just mother nature.
We are about to enter 13 weeks of summer holidays here in Spain and to be honest I am super excited. This time last year I was hooked up to round 7 of chemotherapy and had no idea where I would be now. I feel blessed that I am in the crossroads of the hormones and everything that comes with it ...it means that I am living and experiencing my girls growing up ... for that I will always be grateful.
