I am feeling better. I can feel the difference in my body and more importantly in my mind. Not that I didn't have control of my mind (for a change!!), but I do need to tell myself daily that "I've got this and all will be ok". The overwhelming tiredness and nausea that I had the week previously after the first round of chemo has now gone. I am hungry again and have found a love for cooking...anyone that knows me well will laugh at this statement. Cookie (maiden name was Cook and I was lovingly referred to as Cookie by my friends) & cooking have never been a known partnership!!!! I have always been aware of healthy eating but now I am trying to eat super clean and really enjoying making up recipes (and very annoyingly I am posting pictures on Fannybook and Instagram). I am completely unable and unwilling to follow a recipe, even when making cakes or biscuits previously for my children they laugh at my inability to follow simple instructions...hence the "ooooooh mummy has been cooking again...what is it"? Also, I seem to have complete 'Dora' concentration when it comes to cooking or being in the kitchen. I have destroyed endless pots/pans by putting things on to cook and walking away and starting another task, only remembering once the smoke alarms are going off or I can see/smell smoke coming from the kitchen. Most famous and common are pots of rice & pasta...I mean how can you burn rice!!! Anyway, I am enjoying having the time to explore different ideas, some are appreciated by the children, others are met with a confused look and "nope don't like that'.
I have very dry skin. This I notices straight away after the first round. My hands look like little old ladies hands already and no amount of almond oil, coconut oil or Body Shop Shea Butter is helping, plus the coldness in my fingers and toes seem to be here to stay. Having said that, I am able to eat & drink cold things, well cooler than room temperature, after about 5 days. I was amazed at how quickly the side effects kicked in and they say with this particular chemotherapy, it builds each treatment but I am determined to beat the side effects by clean eating and boosting my system where I can. I guess only time will tell how each treatment affects me personally as it is different for everyone.
One side effect is particularly disturbing for me and this paragraph comes with a TOO MUCH INFORMATION WARNING!!!
Gas leaves the body when people burp through the mouth or pass gas through the anus. Gas is primarily composed of carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen,hydrogen, and sometimes methane. Flatus, gas passed through the anus, may also contain small amounts of gasses that contain sulfur.
You see, I had 48cm (double checked my notes this week) of my colon removed on the left hand side. Things are different now in the bum plumbing area and apparently it is completely normal and usual to now have an unbelievable amount of gas that needs to escape your body. Also chemotherapy plays havoc with your bowels too. It was kinda funny the first few times but it is unbearable now. I am constantly apologising at home much to the amusement of my husband (why do boys find farting so amusing?) and there is always the 'uncertainty' of that unexpected 'gas' as to what is actually happening down there...never assume it is only gas!!!! I feel like Johnny Fartpants from Viz.
I decided that this was the week that I would finally google my results, watch videos of my procedures (colon removal and resection and the port a cath implant) and just generally scare the shit out of myself. I guess I needed to do it. Of course, I completely freaked myself out with the survival stats:
Stage I cancers have a survival rate of 80-95 percent. Stage II tumors have survival rates ranging from 55 to 80 percent. A stage III colon cancer has about a 40 percent chance of cure and a patient with a stage IV tumor has only a 10 percent chance of a cure.
I am IIIb. Chris did remind me that these figures do not take into account age and health. A lot of colon cancer patients are older than 50 and possibly not in as good health as I was to start with. Anyway, these stats are now erased from my mind, I am not a statistic! I make my own rules.
My second round of chemo is today, Wednesday 25th March at 1500. I am going for lunch with one of my best friends and then she will come to the clinic with me. I am feeling completely relaxed about today as I now know what to expect. I am not anxious about the side effects as I know I can handle them. The only aspect which is on my mind is Charley chemo box, not that he bothers me really, it is just an inconvenience to have him attached to me for two days, a little bleeping reminder that you are being pumped full of poison.
My gorgeous friend Lisa sent me this (she whatsapps me post cards as she is in Hong Kong) and I feel that this is very apt for me at the moment:
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